My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
