i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
