The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
as a side note pls kill me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
