i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
