I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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