dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
