that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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