I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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