yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
