dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
