I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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