cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
