it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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