ya dads aren't the best wingmen
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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