I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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