So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
