he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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