I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
