I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
