dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
