9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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