Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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