there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ambien. No doubt about it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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