Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize