I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
