so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
