my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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