oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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