I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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