Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize