so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
