i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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