Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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