at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
