Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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