Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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