Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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