this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
