allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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