My room smells like vodka and shame
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
