We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
