Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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