the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
