party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
