I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how can u be prego again
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I smell stomach acid.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
