SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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