I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize