I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
