You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
