You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
