Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
