My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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