My first STD was from a foam party
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
