I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
