Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
