i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
