woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
