My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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