I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
