apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
