I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
