She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
