I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
