I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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