i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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