ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
