Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
